Using your Core Values to make Decisions

Last week we talked about taking the time to write, articulate, and get uber specific about values that are important to you. Whether you had a lengthy list or a brief few, I hope the exercise in "core values" was a good interruption to your weekly norm. 

If you didn't take the time, then I encourage you to do so soon. The early bird gets the worm right? And in this case, the early bird gets to move closer and closer tokicking ass
 at setting (and keeping) those boundarieswe've been talking about.

To review: Your core values are strong attributes (adjectives) that make-up both who you positively consider yourself to be and who you desire to be. Core values show you what you stand for and what you do not tolerate; this protects your
 SPIRIT; your unique essence. If we could bottle you, these would be the ingredients listed on the label.

Your list should light you up.
Your list should wet your appetite for a fueled&fulfilled (can I trade mark this slogan? sounds like a tag-line for an energy drank) life.
Your list should be ALL SUBSTANCE and ZERO FLUFF.

This Week: Actively use your list of Core Values to guide your decisions.

Spend time putting your social calendar, a request from work, how you're going to spend your down-time, whether you want breakfast for breakfast or breakfast for dinner...ALL OF IT through the filter of your values. 

ex: If I value flexibility then I'm going to leave room in a vacation schedule for spontaneity versus having every moment strictly planned. If I value deep connections then I won't get together with superficial (former) friends; I'll spend my time otherwise.

OPTION(s)
*What are my choices?

CORE VALUE FILTER
*Does it align with a specific value or set of values? If it doesn't, why am I struggling to say no?

DECISION
*The "best option" will start to present itself & your decision will be clearer

The better you get at using your core values to filter your choices, you will gain confidence and conviction in your decisions. You will learn how to comfortably say no to opportunities that do not make sense for you and stop apologizing for it. 

PLUS! You'll start to:

  • shed feelings of guilt
  • lessen anxiety around being a "good" or "bad" decision-maker
  • gain control of how you spend your time
  • understand your uniqueness
  • care about doing things to lift your spirit versus out of obligation

I'm here if you want to share your list of values, share in your successes & struggles, and sharpen your decisions. 

Establishing Core Values

Last week we started your journey to BOUNDARY SETTING by working on your Personal Bill of Rights; a powerful list of sentences (basic rights) to help you assert yourself while respecting others (ex: I have the right to be healthier than those around me. I do not have the right to tell someone how they feel).

What did you think of this exercise? I can assume some "rights" were easy while others were hard---did you almost not write those rights down? 

Did this exercise come at time when you were feeling taken advantage of; over-stretched, over-worked, over-scheduled, over-over this mess? Perhaps.

It's no coincidence I am beginning this work for you now, during the summer when things slow down. Our work on boundaries over the next few weeks will build you up and prepare you for the next season; a time when kids are back in school, projects are due, events get stacked, and our lives just get busier; more demanding.  

Now that you have your Personal Bill of Rights, let's shift into focusing on your
 CORE VALUES.

Core values are the building blocks that create the substance of who you truly are. They are the means and often motivators through which you can filter decisions, goals, actions, and behaviors. 

What qualities or attributes do you hold dear? What do you stand for in your life, in relationships, in your contributions? What buzzwords light you up and make you think..."I want that to be part of who I am."

Bonus: You can use your PBR to guide this work! Take a look at the list of rights you made and see if there are any patterns in what is important to you. Did you write a majority of rights focused on health? Did your rights show you how much you value alone time and personal maintenance? Look for the patterns and give the groupings a singular word that describes /links them. 

A few of my core values are:

  • authentic
    • it pains me to be fake so I have to share, encourage, and even dialogue from a place that is genuine
  • empowerment
    • positive thinking, uplifting, and the roar!to my spirit
  • relatable
    • I seek to make my voice, words, and insight both easy to conceive and applicable for anyone. I'm no better than anyone else
  • fresh perspective
    • I am most creative when I am looking at things from a different vantage point, playing devils advocate, and trying new ideas
  • vulnerable
    • when I am putting myself "out there" and taking a risk, I know the challenge and occasional nerves are worth it to support this value
  • abundance
    • there is plenty to give, plenty to share, and enough of anything for everyone
  • fun/humor
    • helluuuu! I can talk serious but I can't approach my life that way all the time! I love to laugh and find humor in anything

Think of it as: "I want to create a life of _____________ (fill in the blank). 

Other examples:

  • discovery/exploration
  • gratitude
  • warm-heartedness
  • patience
  • partnership
  • mindfulness
  • adaptability/flexibility
  • creativity
  • integrity
  • spirituality

I'm really looking forward to hearing what core values you come up with for yourself. Try some on and see how they feel. Not of all them will fit & that's as it should be. Go with the values that make sense for the life you want.