Being it is the day of LOVE I wanted to focus my thoughts on gratitude, on those quiet moments when I can reflect on what it is I truly love about life, my life and my loves. Around a month ago I embarked on a 30 day yoga challenge through a local yoga studio in addition to finishing training for a 1/2 marathon I did this past Saturday with my nowfiance' (that's right followers, I've been on a bit of a hiatus due to how quickly I have been planning some of the bigger wedding details).
During both of these very physical, emotional and I would absolutely say spiritual practices, I had to remind myself of what I was grateful for, what was fun about life and what my body needed each day. Naturally those ideals were challenging in difficult yoga poses, longer run training days, and in moments when I was addicted to snoozing my alarm.
Let me also say that I am someone who has a tendency to DO TOO MUCH. Wait whaaaaa???? Pahahha ridiculous you might say...but oh, so very true. I believe Matteo refers to me as "whirlwind Leah" when I am deciding to clean and purge the entire apartment, come home wanting to talk about everything under the sun and mull my life over, and when, like the beginning of this year, I wanted to start working a second job again (in addition to training and a 30 day yoga challenge) to alleviate any financial stress of planning a wedding. Really I was saying..."Let's remove this stress, and sprinkle in this other stress, so that it all works out."
In our four years together and my lifetime of doing too much, I have grown accustomed to Matteo's one single "look" that says "do you think that would be a good idea?" I quickly decided (I've gotten a weee bit faster at this scaling back thing) to keep things simple.
~~Fastforward to our 1/2 marathon where we beat last year's time and finished 2:05 and to the last week of my yoga challenge~~
I had 13 classes to complete in 5 days to which I said I WILL do this, I WILL push that hard. I took 3 beautiful and cuhrazy hard classes on monday and awoke tuesday morning telling myself I was batshit crazy. I had this moment of zen where I realized to push so hard, this aggressively in something like yoga (fun fact: the definition of yoga is centered around two Sanskrit words/ideas around "to surrender" and "focused effort") was not what I believed yoga to be about. As soon as that clicked for me, I decided to bow out from the challenge and just take one last class I had already committed to and spend the rest of my week with my man and our dog.
Yes, essentially i FAILED the 30 day challenge. And the coolest part is, I LOVE that I failed. For someone like me with my tendencies, it was a friendly reminder to love what I can achieve and love what I achieved in what I couldn't finish. (Yes, I am a modern-day, well-dressed, Confucius).
Let me expand on this,
I have a tendency to do too much and avoid simplicity because I tie what I can accomplish, doing dishes late at night when I should be going to bed early, using my days off to still do work, and a laundry-list of things, to my own SELF WORTH.
I constantly burden my thoughts, ideas, and relationships with "AM I DOING, BEING, SAYING, PROVIDING ENOUGH?" Talk about self-sabotage. It has taken me the course of 2012, a fabulous job, an unconditionally loving fiance', and a love and appreciation for yoga to get to the root of why I have such tendencies. Everything is tied to my self-worth. Now, in those moments I want to tear myself down, I look at what I love, so that the LOVE BREEDS LOVE. I look to what I am grateful for and congratulate myself on what I can achieve that is simple and challenge myself to look at the simplicity as SIGNIFICANT.
Hell, I have so many people in my life who love me just as I am and never look at what I do but rather look at who i am. I've got to give myself that same perspective and kindness.
Check out this video by Brene Brown where she digs into vulnerability you want to listen
Below I've listed some things I absolutely love about the life I build for myself. Please share with me and most importantly yourself, any of your loves and things that remind you of the significant.